Tired.com

Well it was my little girls first day of playgroup today. I've been mentally preparing myself for this since she was born, and am still not quite ready.

We started the day with me awake stupidly early and watching some crap on tv, then my little darling arrived at my bedside, and we had girly snuggles and cuddles and watched childrens tv until it was time to get up and get dressed.

First of all the little sparkly pink trousers I chose for her to wear appear to now be two inches too short, so we had to change them for some jeans, which were also verging on being too short. So not only am I having to come to terms with the fact my little girl is going to playgroup - I am also having to deal with the fact that she is finally growing into clothes that are appropriate to her age. Some of the labels in her trousers are for age 12-18 months, and at just over 3 years old that makes her quite tiny.

Next we had to get through breakfast, she ate a good breakfast, as did her brother, and then I did her hair back in a ponytail and took some photos of her all ready for her first day.

Time seemed to steam along, as we were soon walking up the hills to take her brother to school, and she was declaring that she was a big girl now, and so walked 2 feet ahead of us almost all the way to school.

We dropped her brother at school - he went in beautifully and gave her a big hug and wished her luck for her first day at playgroup. I could feel tears welling already at this point, then I remembered that stupid Mummy had forgotten her piece of fruit.

So we wandered up to the co-op and she chose a couple of mandarin oranges to take with her. This was a good task, as we needed to kill a little time before we got to playgroup - as there is nothing worse than standing outside playgroup waiting for them to open the doors.

On the way we held hands, and I gulped back tears as she chatted in her little monkey way. She told me she felt a little bit sad, and I gulped back the tears harder than ever, and told her it was normal to feel that way.

She moaned that it was hard work walking to playgroup, and it is hard work, we had worn ourselves out on the first lot of hills!

When we arrived we had a short wait, and then the doors opened and the other children started wandering in, my lovely little girl was desperate to get in and get going, and was tugging at my reluctant hand. I wanted to run away and take her back home where we could hide away from the world, but I knew deep in my heart that you have to go through these things.

She is such a lovely natured child, and she was smiling and waving at a little girl who was crying and upset about going in to playgroup. Unfazed by her tears she just did what she could to try and cheer the unknown little girl up.

We signed her in, and handed in her fruit and passed over the reams of paper work that accompanies a child starting at playgroup.

She looked around the room with a big beaming smile - she was finally here!

I asked her what she wanted to do first, pointing out all the quiet activities, but she jumped right in and wanted to go with the rough and tumble of the wooden slide.

I asked her if she was ok if I left, and she said she was. I stood redundant for a moment or two until she turned to me and said 'Go on then go!' She was ready for me to remove myself, and I was ready to as the tears I had been gulping back since daybreak were starting to break free - and I did not want her to see them!

I walked out and phoned my lovely husband, and sobbed most of the way home into my phone.

I am so proud of her confidence, and so happy she was happy for me to go, but my baby has started playgroup, and I am sad.

I kept myself busy all morning, ironing, and drinking tea, and returned to collect her with my Mum.

We walked in and she saw me and shouted 'Mummy Mummy!' her big beaming smile and she ran towards me, flung her arms round my neck and hugged me tight, she then hugged her Grandma and told us she had a great time. She collected her picture she had made, and we walked out hand in hand. One of the ladies said what a good little girl she is and how they hardly knew they had her there, which really didn't surprise me at all. She is a good little girl.

In the car she told me she had missed me but had not been scared. I told her I had missed her too, and started the job of holding back the tears again.

I did well I held back the tears till she fell asleep, and now they pour.

The most stupid thing is I would have been at work anyway, but knowing she was doing something new and making her own little life away from me just makes me cry.

I am so proud of her, and so pleased and so happy that she had a good day, and she is so excited about going again tomorrow. What a clever little thing she is.