I want it all.....

It isn't too much to ask is it? I want a part-time job doing something I enjoy, approx 25 hours a week, Monday to Friday..... I wouldn't have said this was asking a lot, but after searching for a very long time for this job I have discovered it is partly mythical and partly so scarce that when you apply for it you don't even get a courtesy letter saying thanks but no thanks back. I am an educated person, I don't expect the world given to me on a plate and I can just pick out the best bits and leave the nasty bits that are good for you out...BUT I am only here once, for an unlimited time only, and I want to make the most out of my time here. That means I wont sell myself for a price totally to a company, I expect time off which fits in with my family, and I want to spend our time off together enjoying our time. Because the time I have with a young family is too short, and with my eldest aged seven and a half, and my youngest aged eighteen months,and my only daughter aged five, I intend to make the most of them while they still want to know me and are still speaking to me after their terrible up-bringing. They are pretty awesome kids, they argue a lot, they hurt each other, they scream at me, and do naughty naughty things, which is what you expect from kiddies, but they are also loving, happy clever amazing children and they love me because I am their Mum. I am still looking for that mythical job, to fit in around my life - unfortunately employers seem to think we should fit in life around their jobs, which I will never do willingly.

Billy Joel and other such pleasures....

We are back from our little jaunt to the North of the country. The children were both convinced we were going to Scotland because they had been reliably informed that the top end of the country is Scotland. So after some explanations....they still thought we were leaving England and I decided it didn't really matter where they thought they were as long as they had a nice time.

It was our first trip with a hotel instead of a holiday home for a few years, and our baby settled into things without a hitch. Except for the fact that he and his older brother and sister decided that as they were on holiday they would stay awake for half the night....leaving no evening to enjoy, so when we got home I was desperate to sit with a glass of wine and enjoy some semi-silence while the children were all in their own beds.

I took a few cds with me when I went to get the other half from work last Wednesday because I have no idea how to connect his ipod up to the car radio, and to stick a cd in is much easier. I popped a little Erasure onto bop to, and my daughter decided that she liked the music very much, my older son liked the music and his voice but not the words (we were listening to Love to Hate you at the time) We then switched to some Billy Joel and I had forgotten how very much I like listening to his voice and his music, and the lyrics to his songs. It can make me thoughtful, and also stop me from thinking about all that is making me miserable at the moment.

I applied for another new job today, working for a solicitor in Ipswich. I had an email saying thanks but no thanks within an hour of sending my cv. How depressing is that?

I have a managers meeting at work tonight....ON MY DAY OFF!!! It makes me mad because I have been thinking about it all day, which makes it hard to enjoy not being there.

I made an apple pie today. Its my first one, and I kind of made the recipe up by myself, so I am a little worried it wont pass the vigor of testing it will be put through once everyone is home. It was made to try and cheer my darling husband up as he is feeling a little sad too.

The wind of change is still blowing strong, but its kind of blowing in on itself at the moment and so we are standing still......lets hope it makes up its mind soon and blows us all in the same direction and out of this storm.....

Sometimes....

We booked a little trip away the day before yesterday - we decided we wanted to have a few days away from it all and that was that, three days booked in York and we are leaving in approx 4 hours!

The other half is at work and me and the three skids are picking him up on our way! So I have sole responsibility for making sure everything we need or want is packed up in the car!

I packed by butt off yesterday - in my head the romantic side of me with my lovely rose tinted specs had visions of me throwing a few bits in a suitcase and off we would go. The reality was me sitting and making a list of exactly what we all should need, plus a few extras. Then there was me washing and drying a large amount of clothes because I had a whole week at home ahead of me to catch up with such things.....not so any more! lol

Then there was the sorting of clothes once they were dry. It took most of the day to sort things out and arrange things and then get them in the suitcase which pretty quickly turned into two suitcases.....

Then I had arranged a night out with some friends I used to work with, so I quickly got ready and waited for my other half to come home and he then took over the packing duties.

I had three pints of beer while I was out and we got to bed at around about midnight. Poor old other half was up at silly o'clock to go to work again, and now here I am taking 10 minutes to try and work out what the hell I am doing next!

The only problem with two people packing and not at the same time is that neither of us are sure what the other has done. Several texts later and I think we are getting somewhere.....now I just want to pack up the car and goooooooooo!

Red wine, a second blog in two days and a moment to think....

I sometimes wonder if thinking is really good for us? We should probably all just plod along like our ancestors before us just being glad that we are still alive and able to go and work to earn money to pay for our food!

Just sitting here with a glass of wine, the other half is strumming on his electric guitar....starting to wonder if that was a well thought out gift...joke! The two older kiddies are upstairs playing, and our wee baby is crawling around with the dogs, we haven't sent him out there with the dogs, he just came bundling through crawling for the first time in weeks flanked by the dogs. Maybe he thinks he is a dog? Maybe he just thought it looked like fun to be on all fours? Maybe they knocked him over when he was toddling about and he can't be bothered to get back up again? Who knows what goes through your head when you are 15 months old and surrounded by people and animals much larger than you.

I am having a glass of wine because I do not have an early start tomorrow, a good excuse I felt, not that I need an excuse. The other excuse being there was an annoying half drunk bottle of wine on the side in the kitchen that needed using up and the kids don't appreciate wine in their food. Well my oldest does, he likes a little wine flavour in his bolognaise, but his sister - she is very clean living and doesn't like the cursed alcohol in her food. She also shies away from anything carbonated and anything spicier than a carrot can do one as well. She also has intolerance to dairy products, she is what could be described as a right little fancy fairy and has perfected her urgh face to go with any occasion!

Not that I need an excuse to have a glass of wine, I am 33 years old and am allowed to drink a glass of wine if I want. My daughter did tell me that I am not supposed to have a glass of wine today - tomorrow being Wednesday would be the day I could have a glass of wine. I'm not sure what her logic is or where it comes from, but if I had a glass of wine tomorrow at this time I would get the sack from work as I am there for a long shift and I don't think wine drinking is allowed. If I have a glass of wine before my shift it would be too early in the day and might be considered a problem, and if I wait till I get home from work it would be getting onto midnight and the other half has an early start the next morning for work himself.

My oldest son is talking to me about a computer game and the characters in it, I nod and smile and say 'ooooh' or 'yes' now and then but I really have no idea what he is talking about. This is still with the other half plucking out notes on the guitar...the original sounds were him tuning it, I'm not sure what he is doing now, but mixed with computer drone and the dogs tapping about on the laminate floor, and of course the baby scooting his fire engine up and down in stereo because the baby monitor is picking up the sound I have found my moment to think is not happening again.

Confusion

I feel very confused at the moment, I have been feeling confused for about the last two years, and the mists of confusion are not getting any clearer with the passing of time.

I have tried to change things that I thought might need changing, and either they didn't need changing or I have changed them for the very wrong thing.....

I am constantly chasing my tail and fed up with working and living to someone elses ideals.

The name of this blog is seeking perfection, because ultimately that is what everyone is after - a way of living life to your own idea of perfection.

Sometimes I feel like perfection is dangled in front of me like a carrot before a donkey, and that someday I might be able to grab hold of it and have a go - but grabbing carrots and being after the perfect life is not something we should be thinking about. We are all expected to be happy with our lot, and perfection is something to be snorted at. But in reality we all want it. We all strive for it. Perfection for everyone is something different.

Perfection for me today would be for my dear other half to get a job he is after, that the money is good enough that I can become a stay at home Mum, pathetic in a feminist world I know, but its what I want. Feminism is supposed to be about choices, but I don't really feel we are quite there yet as there are still too few choices for all but the very very rich, or the extremely selfish - and I mean that for men and women - children and the elderly. Choices are few and often forced. To be given a real choice must be quite wonderful.

The thing with perfection is that it changes everyday, so I guess its part of life that we will always be seeking it and never quite getting it. I'll keep you posted if it ever happens!

Autumn again!

I have been working in my new job now for a month. I have yet to see any pay (tomorrow is pay day!) and I have already dropped a night so only do two nights a week. This sounds pretty bad I would have thought, but I knew it was too much and I wasn't getting quite what I wanted out of it, and lucky the home is pretty flexible and have accommodated my request to drop one night a week.

I do get quite tired after my night on, although I usually manage to get a nap the day before, and then I usually get a three hour sleep in after my night, which is enough to see me through till bedtime. So its working out pretty well. I am getting to do what I wanted with the children, the teachers all know who I am at school, I went to a 'thing' at the school last week, so am not feeling I am missing out. Today my daughter is off school with a tummy bug, and because of the vulnerable adults I work with, I am not allowed to go to work tonight - which feels really weird. I have to, by law, let the home know that we have a tummy bug at home, and they have to, by law, stop me coming in and spreading it about. I feel just terrible, but think I would feel worse if I went in and they all came down with the bug!

I am now looking for something to bring in a few extra pennies, that I can work around the kids and work etc etc etc - almost everyone I know makes jewelry or greeting cards, are a rep of some description in the pyramid schemes that are Avon and Body Shop. To try and think of something, new, unique and that would actually be worth doing is quite a task!!!

I dare say I will think of something eventually!

When I first started my new job I had a very bad time of it for a couple of weeks, I was dealing with a new situation, learning lots of new things, my son going back to school after the school holidays and my daughter starting school for the first time! I was also dealing with leaving the baby - I was very down for a couple of weeks, smiles were no where to be seen and tears flowed like a waterfall. My lovely hubby told me to jack in the job - but as tempting as that idea was deep down I knew that it was not the job, it was just the amount of change I was dealing with in a very short period of time.

I am getting into a routine now, getting used to what I have to do and even getting used to working right through the night!

New Job

I have worked in admin for a large transport company for 8 years. I went back to work full-time then for a little while slightly less than full-time after my son was born, then when my daughter was born I went back full-time again.

This left me feeling mostly guilty and very sad. I would be away from the children so much, then when I was home I was trying to keep up with house work etc. Work wasn't my 'dream job' so to speak - it merely paid the bills - just.

So when I found out I was having our latest baby, the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that I didn't want to leave him as much. I cried so many tears over the lost moments with my son and daughter and had to do so much juggling to go and see a school play, or a sports day, or to do a drop off or pick up from playgroup or school. So around my sons 4 month mark I began to trawl through job sites and papers for something that was part-time and fitted around school, and also paid!

After many months of looking I found and applied for a job as a night carer in a local home for the elderly. I had originally wanted to go into a care setting, and now it would appear was my chance.

I got an interview, and interviewed well enough to be offered the job! So I handed in my notice to my old job, with a great deal of sadness, but also feeling quite thrilled at the prospect of my new job!

I don't start until the end of the school holidays, and so still have the summer with the children, and also the prospect of being there for all school drop offs and pick ups AND the precious time I was seeking with my baby boy too.

I know the work will be hard, and the catching up with sleep will be difficult. But I don't usually take the easy option, and so am well used to finding solutions to difficulties - and for the rewards of just being there for my family it will be worth it.

The kids had some mixed feelings about me being out at night, my son advised me that there were gangs of not very nice people out at night time and he would be worried about me. So we showed him where I would be working, and explained I wouldn't be going out during the night. He was quite envious when I told him of the beautiful view of the sea I shall be getting out of the front windows!

My daughter just wants me to be here all the time. Understandable - I am her Mummy, and Mummy is supposed to be there all the time! But she has come round to the idea a bit more knowing I'll be there in the morning for breakfast, and only three nights a week.

I expect my husband and baby will benefit most as they will get to spread out on my bed for three nights a week without me getting in their way, but I hope they will miss me a little.

All in all a new way of life is on its way, again.

The other one....

I haven't blogged on this one for a while, as I started another one, and have been putting all my energies into that one. But I thought I would drop back with my latest updates, only three and a half weeks left of this school year and I'll have six glorious weeks of summer with the children.

I haven't half been looking forward to it, except the last couple of weeks because my son has been acting as if he has been placed with a nasty set of foster parents and no-one understands what he has been through in his short unhappy life - except he has not been placed with a nasty set of foster parents, and his life although only spanning six and a bit years, has not been unhappy. He is having a few problems with a boy in his class, and I think that is the route of his sadness, but fingers crossed things are sorting out and he is turning back into our lovable little terror.

We had a mobile hairdresser come to the house and cut our hair yesterday, it took almost two hours for the four of us to get chopped - and my hair only took ten minutes, and she straightened it as well. My sons took the longest, he couldn't or wouldn't stop wiggling about. He wouldn't look the way he was asked and he complained loudly that it was taking too long. Next time he can just be clippered all over - he insisted on it being styled so he could spike it, and that is what took the time. But his patience in these matters is non-existent.

My daughter had about three inches taken off her beautiful blonde hair. She still looks absolutely stunning, but Daddy wept when he saw her looking so very grown up with hair to her shoulders.

Talking of Daddy, he had a closer cut than he normally would have - it disturbed him at first, but after using only a pea sized blob of shampoo and it was dry by the time he had walked from the bathroom to our bedroom, he loves his new hair style.

I had a couple of inches taken off mine, and like I say she straightened it for me too - I looked like a different person! I do love it and feel actually quite stylish now!!

We are off to the pool in half an hour and I'll probably come out with a head of frizz, but for the moment its great.

Its my little girls fourth birthday this week, and her first afternoon at school is on her birthday. She is so excited, and has been trying on her school uniform, she is such a little dot though, I can't quite believe she is going to school!

I have about two and a half months left of maternity leave, I am so enjoying being at home with the children. I am being careful what I wish for, but it would be so lovely to have more time at home. I am ever hopeful of finding another job, I have put a couple of applications out there, for night work and working in schools, but if all else fails I will be requesting that I return to work on a part time basis.

We are having another major change about in our house, moving things around, changing things about, we have great decoration plans going on, and its all good fun, but a little daunting.

Life is for living - we stayed still for a little while, not doing much to the house because it takes so much time etc, but we are quite enjoying changing things about, and they do say a change is as good as a rest.

Busy Week

Its been half term week here, and my lovely husband has had the week off work as well.

Our aim was to do as much as possible with the children, and I think we managed it! They had their sleepover downstairs, they had a day with one set of Grandparents, and then a sleepover at the other set of Grandparents, we then bombarded them with long walks, the zoo, more long walks, a shopping trip to spend their hard saved pennies, and as then a theme park visit from our own childhood days Pleasurewood Hills.

We knew it would be a bit run down, it was taken over in the nineties by one Noel Edmunds who turned it briefly into Blobbyland, and its never really recovered.

When we were children it was an American Theme Park, your biggest day out ever was promised on their glitzy television ads, but these days I think a truthful ad would be one of those 'local' ads you used to get at your local cinema, with no moving pictures, and the words 'Just past Tesco, for a day out........'

It was good, the children enjoyed the rides, we enjoyed seeing some of the old things, and hearing the same sounds that were there in 'our day' but sadly the vintage cars ride seems to be slowly running down, with only three sad old cars left - although my son enjoyed driving duty and my daughter and me enjoyed being driven, I'll be surprised if its still going in a few years.

My husband has just looked it up, and its only recently been re-brought, so fingers crossed they are going to do some sprucing up!

Today we are at the arse end of the week - that sounds like a bad thing, really Monday should be named the arse end, but whatever - its Friday, and after a week of being out and about the poor old house is lacking some TLC and my fridge and cupboards are quite literally bare, so after a quick blog I shall be showering, and trudging around the shops. It would be nice to have a couple of days to relax, but reality bites and relaxation is afforded by few with all that is expected from a modern family. I have already done 2 loads of washing, fed the masses and cleared round in the kitchen - and have I even dented what needs to be done?

No

Its our wedding anniversary on Monday - married for eight years! We are celebrating on Saturday with the children, our wedding day was like the marker for the start of our family life, so we wouldn't feel right celebrating without them.

Locked Out!!!

For the past three days I have been trying to access my blog, and for some reason I was denied access. The password was correct, I had my account reset three times, but still no access was granted.

I was a bit upset that maybe it had been lost forever - some Blogger official had decided to put the world out of its misery and delete my pitiful attempts at blogging before it seriously bored someone to tears. So I was really rather happy to be here this morning - albeit a little annoyed because I had some fantastic ideas for my blog, obviously I can't remember any of them now, but rest assured they would have blown your blogging socks off!

Its been a while since I last blogged, my baby has two teeth - already - he is practically a growed up!

I am at the head of a beautiful week, the children are off school and playgroup, my husband is off work, we had our new car delivered yesterday and we have a week of activities planned to keep everyone happy.

First activity was last night - the two older children wanted to have a sleepover downstairs in the lounge on their own. We rigged up the baby monitor so we could be alerted quickly to any sounds of torture, set them up with sleeping bags, an all night television channel and a table full of sweets, treats and drinks. We then headed up to our room with the baby, the dogs and a curry and caught up on some television, with occasional visits from the children. Last one being when our son appeared at my bedroom at 1.15 in the morning asking for some help with the television!

All in all a success - today they are out with Grandparents for the day, while we clean the house and take a trip out of town in the new motor.

Happy Days :o)

Its Been a While.....

Well we have been joined by our puppy, she has been with us for two weeks, nipping at our bare toes and upsetting our little old man doggy. She seems to finally be getting the toilet training, only one wee in the house yesterday, and so far so good today.......

For a while there I was beginning to think I had completely lost my mind, she spent most of her time finding new places in the house to wee, she chased my daughter endlessly nipping at her feet and ankles, and kept trying to taste the baby. I'll admit I felt a mistake may have been made, when my son walked through the length of the house to advise me he had, completely by accident of course, stood in a puddle of puppy wee.....had he taken his shoes off? Erm no.....

However, she is adorable, and the wee thing wasn't her fault, she had done it outside she couldn't help it if my son went wading in it and then splashed it up and down the house!!!

She spends most of her time trying to snuggle up with our older dog, and he spends most of his time huffing and moving away....

We are counting down the days till she can go for a walk and get properly worn out though :o)

Can't stop me now!

Well I was a truly grumpy person yesterday! I hadn't had the best night sleep, lots of broken bits of sleep, and then I fell asleep when I should be getting the children ready for school, but luckly my other half was on hand to make up for my poor performance on the parental front yesterday morning.

As the day progressed I was so grumpy, I didn't know why, and didn't know what to do to change it - and believe me I wanted to change it, I really dislike being grumpy!!

First of all I walked up to collect my daughter from playgroup, and as we walked home and she wailed at me because she was hungry for her lunch and couldn't believe we were not home yet, I felt as if my grumpy mood would never leave me!

We got home and as the afternoon went on, I realised I was feeling a bit less grumpy. Then we collected my son from school, and as we walked home we chattered like we do, and we got home and I pottered about a bit, and made some dinner. My mood was really lifting at this point, and I felt happier to get on with things.

We ate dinner, the children and me, the baby sat in his bouncer and gently cooed at me, and it was a lovely dinner time - the food was not all that, just a jacket potatoe and some vegetables, but the conversation between my children and me was just lovely.

Next stop on the road to a happier me was getting the baby ready for bed, and give him a feed. We had a lovely time together, and the other children came in and out to play and chatter with him. Then my husband was home much earlier than expected and that was the point I really realised I was no longer grumpy - I had my little unit back together! I had actually missed the bustle of getting the children ready for school, and all the other things I do in the morning!

This morning my other half was at work early, and so I had to get up and get on with the day, and I am far happier! Also there is nothing quite like the joy of knowing that we will all be home by 3.30 this afternoon and so my little unit wont be spread everywhere!! As much as the all drive me mad at times, I love them all and love being with them.

Grumpy!

My goodness I am in a grump today! My baby has not taken at all well to the hour change, and so although he doesn't sleep through the night anyway, what he does has been messed up, so he now wakes at approx 4am and gets upset if you don't get up and give him a feed - of which he only takes 1oz and then refuses to take anymore! He then spends the next hour or two being grumpy, while you attempt to be happy at a time when no-one should have to pretend this!

He is now asleep, which is great for him, he can nap all day long, but I can't!

Lucky for me my lovely husband got up and got the children ready for school and playgroup - and in the process discovered just how hectic this house can be when you are the adult in charge of three children, who all happen to be pulling in different directions!

He looked pretty stressed out when I surfaced to say goodbye, and I did feel sorry for him, because I know exactly how stressed he would be feeling. Then I felt quite proud of us, we might get stressed out sometimes but we get there eventually! Our little boy still had a pretty healthy packed lunch to take with him, he was also on time so got his 'early bird' sticker for on time attendance (we got a letter home from school advising parents that being late for school can make children unhealthy amongst other things - it was like one of those dodgy adverts from before there were trading standards and people could say anything to sell a product!!)

I have now been and collected my equally grumpy daughter from playgroup, she is currently sprawled across my lap sobbing and kicking her legs because I wont drop everything and take her to the shops to buy a jelly.....

From what a saw of my little boy he was pretty darn grumpy himself as he wailed up the road behind his Dad about the unfairness of having to go to school.

This hour change has a lot to answer for!!

A new Puppy!

Well its been a couple of weeks since my last out pour of drivel, so thought I should pop back in again! Well the baby is now 12 weeks old, and life is now as if he had always been here! He slots in nicely with the other children, and of course with Mummy and Daddy! He is quite a chilled out little chappy, he loves laying on his playmat and have a good old kick and play with his hanging toys - he does not like tummy time at all! He tends to lay and grunt a lot and make a big wet dribble patch during tummy time - then when we flip him over to have some play on his back his little face lights up as if to say "Oh thank goodness for that!" although the other day he did the ultimate and just went straight to sleep on his tummy - not even a slight go at lifting his heavy little head that day!

We went and had a look at some Springador puppies last weekend, and chose a pretty little girl puppy who hopefully should be ready in the next week and a half! My other half is so excited, he keeps playing with her little pink lead and little pink collar. The children keep asking if today is the day yet? Its so exciting, I hope she isn't too worried with our older dog and the children don't pull her about to much! People must think we are mad getting a puppy now, but we thought it would be the ideal time, I am off work and can be home with her all day to get her toilet trained and settled in, the baby isn't crawling yet so is easily dealt with at the moment, and the other children are a nice age to welcome a baby animal into the house.

I did get the offer of a beautiful little boy tabby kitten - my dream is to have a little tabby cat, but we are going to wait a few more years before we add a cat and litter tray to the madness that is our house!!

On a sad note, both our African Land Snails passed away this week, our little girl who is 3 1/2 was not really fazed by this. She expressed sadness that she didn't have a snail anymore, but that was all. Our 6 year old son was devestated, he knows this means they are gone for good, and it upset him. Its one of lifes harder lessons, my other half didn't want to tell them what had happened - but I do think its important they are kept informed of these things, it is after all, part of life.

I was considering to myself why I keep this blog, looking back over it, it must be fairly boring to almost everyone else on the planet - but I am keeping it for me, to remind me of things that were making me think at the time.

Sunshine

Well we are heading into the middle of March now, the days are getting longer, the sun is making an appearance now and then, and I can nip out to the shed in my pjs to grab a loaf of bread from the freezer without resembling the solid bread on my return. Spring is in the air!

We spent Saturday morning chilling out around the house, keeping the news channels on to keep updated with the earthquake situation in Japan. Watching the waters sweep across towns moving houses, cars and anything in its way, knowing of all the poor people being swept along, with no hope of survival has left me feeling very sad. I am not one to get emotionally attached to news events, I don't tend to watch a lot of news, but for some reason this has really caught me.

Its haunting my dreams (along with other sad events at the moment) and on waking from sleep is leaving me feeling as though I have been watching sad movies all night long.

After our chilled morning, we walked to the shops, and brought a few essentials, and some sandwiches for our lunch. We then walked home via a childrens play park, its a lovely little park, very recently updated with lots of things aimed at under tens. There is also a large basketball court next to it, ideal for teens to have some uninterupted and dog poo less fun! However, the local teens had taken over the childrens play park, jumping off the roof of the little house, and throwing the swings up over the tops of the frames so that when they were gone, children would still not be able to play.

My children wanted to play on the park, my son has no sense of danger, and I could see him trying to approaching the older boys - he gets very cross with teenagers or anyone really, mistreating things. Luckly I avoided the situation and moved him away. Then we left the park after a paltry five minute play. As we walked away, the boys spread to take over the entire play park, and the basketball court stood empty and unused.

My children were so cross, and vowed that they would never treat things in that way, we have promised to buy a swing for the garden as I doubt we will bother trying to go to the park again. We explained to the children that this is quite possibly the reason we don't tend to venture out far from our little house and garden, because of other people.

When we were walking, a car pulled up on the path (yes right in the middle of the path!) a Chelsea tractor, the woman leapt out of the drivers seat and opened the back door, so the car was not only blocking most of the path, but the door ensured there was no space for a buggy.

This made me cross.

But this is society - no one cares about anyone else, the woman in her car, the children in the park, they are all the same, only thinking about what they need to do not if they are in the way of anyone else.

We went to my sons parent teacher meeting this week, and he is very good and gets on well with his work, and the teacher said 'Children don't have manners nowadays, but your son has lovely manners, always says please and thank you and always asks for things in the correct way' How sad that it is accepted to now not have manners, and its considered an extra if a child does have manners!

When we got home from the park, we ate our sandwiches (we didn't feel like eating them in the park with the hooligans) and then we went in the garden and started the spring time clear up. The decking is now prepared for the children to play, swept and disinfected, containers have been weeded and brambles cut. Next job is to lay the weed membrane over the remaining grass, and get a concrete pad down for the childrens playhouse.

Now we are at Sunday morning, I have washing on the line again, the sun is shinning again, and the children will be out in the garden once the rain from last night has dried, Spring is most definately in the air!

Chicken Pox - Friday - Red Wine

Well my daughter now has the dreaded chicken pox, exactly 2 weeks after her brother came out in it, she did. Makes me think if I had kept her away from him that she might not have it now, but she would catch it eventually, and best to get it out of the way now.

Poor little spotty dotty, she is absolutely covered in them, including inside her mouth.

BUT its Friday today, a good day, a feel good day, my other half is on an early shift, so will be home mid-afternoon, and I am going to indulge in a spot of housework, while he wheels the baby round the shops and picks up this weeks essentials. I think he is going to go as fast as he can, because any time left he can play the Xbox with, so its in his best interests to get the shopping done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

He did make me laugh, he took charge of the monthly shopping order this month - proud as punch that he spent less than half than I normally do, but forgot things such as toilet rolls, toddler wipes, dishwasher tabs and other such necessities which are boring to shop for. So after a few top up shops locally, he ended up spending more or less the same as I do. He can have another go at it this month, because I do think if he is left to do the shopping we end up spending less, he isn't so drawn to the utter crap I seem to be drawn to. He comes home with huge bags of shopping for bargain prices, I come home with one tiny carrier bag which has cost be twenty quid and I will have forgotten something we need and have to go back out again to get it, resulting in another twenty quid spent.

The reference to Red Wine, well it is Friday, and red wine may not be drunk tonight, but I shall be partaking in a glass or two at some point over the weekend. I love red wine, I love the way it looks in my crystal glasses (brought for me by my lovely Nanna so I get the added bonus of always being reminded of a very special lady at the same time!) I love the way it smells, I love opening the bottle and pouring the first glass. I love the way the first sip tastes, and how the flavour develops on the second and third taste. I like white wine as well, especially in the summer time, and rose, champagne can be nice too, but red wine.....the assortment of flavours, the richness.....I could go on but wont bore you anymore, suffice to say I like a glass of red now and then.

Homemade Cookies!

Well after the rather rough start to Monday as per the previous blog, I have just eaten one of my husbands homemade cookies - dairy free, fantastic little gems so they are. They have made life wonderful, better than any shop brought cookies - or any cookie I have ever tasted before......they are the most fantastic cookies ever!

I entered a short story competition today, and I have a blank page open on my desk top for my 'book' well book idea really - it came to me in the night a few days ago, it was the best idea in the world....but its kind of fizzled. I don't really trust my ideas much, but I was so excited when I came up with the idea at 2am the other morning....I was still excited by it during the next day, and even confessed to my other half I had an idea - didn't tell him what the idea was though...too scared he will think I am a pillock......and today I am a pillock because I'm too scared to write it down in case its rubbish......

The baby is asleep, my daughter is only being slightly annoying....and what am I doing? Eating cookies! Doh!

Mondays!

I hate them - for varying reasons, they are the arsehole of the week.

Today is the first day back after half term, we've already had tears from my little boy not wanting to go in, and we have had two power cuts already and its not even eight yet!

I woke up at four this morning, because I had to sneeze, and sneeze and sneeze....I think I am alergic to mornings. After the big sneeze, I needed my morning wee - sorry too much information, but its true, and vital to the story....after this I was wide awake, I had already had five hours sleep, and knew there was no chance of a lazy morning as I had to get my son to school this morning. Then the baby woke up and sealed my fate....so I sat and watched a couple of episodes of Spaced while I fed the baby, while my husband banged about upstairs pressing the snooze button on his alarm clock.

After returning upstairs to make sure he was actually getting up, my daughter woke up and informed me that she has a sore knee. I then found the trousers I was going to wear today had fallen onto the dogs bed, and so he had done the only decent thing and curled up on them and slept all night. They are black trousers, he is a yellow dog...you do the maths.

So all this before six this morning, we then had a power cut - just a quick one, but enough to knock everything out.

My daughter then took twenty-five minutes to get dressed, while jumping around the room and singing.

We came downstairs, and my husband jumped ship to go to work. I emptied the dishwasher, appeased the baby sitting in his bouncer, made my daughter breakfast - todays request was weetabix, then she decided she needed some fruit in her weetabix, we chose a banana, I mashed it into the weetabix, she ate a mouthfull and declared she was full. I then washed the baby bottles, and made them ready for the day. Next my son appeared at the kitchen door with tears rolling down his face because he doesn't want to go to school.

Then we had another power cut, and it knocked the washing machine out mid-cycle.....

More tears from my son, my daughter keeps jumping on my lap and trying to snatch the baby for cuddles.

Then the baby told me in his way that he wanted his bottle - after taking thirty minutes to drain 1oz out of his 6oz bottle...he fell into a deep sleep. So I put him in his pram 'Why is the baby in his pram when he is awake?' asked my sarcastic daughter. So I took him back out and he managed another half an ounce before he fell into a deeper slumber, and now he is laying there snoring contentedly.....my daughter is laying across my lap, and my eldest is playing his DS with the sound up LOUD!

And the time is now coming up to 07.53 I feel it is going to be a long day.......

Sunshine and Flowers

Took a wee trip down memory lane yesterday and watched a clip of an old cartoon me and my brother would watch - there were not many of them, and they were a rare treat - Mr Rossi. They were foreign, but I am not entirely sure where in the world they were created. But we loved them, especially the trippy theme tune, and the crazy pet dog.

Today it is Sunday, a traditional blogging day for me it would seem, but rarely in a morning. I am sitting with my eight week old son (yes - where the heck did those eight weeks go??) giving him a bottle with one hand while typing one handed with the other - and at this point I have to say that typing one handed is one of the most frustrating things in the world!! I have chosen to blog as my daughter's obsession with Despicable Me has me quoting regularly from the film, and to sit and watch it while trapped feeding the baby is just too much to deal with on a Sunday morning!!

The sun is shinning, we are getting ready for our weekly swim, and while I was putting washing away in the airing cupboard I discovered a wet patch on the ceiling....my other half is now banging around in the attic to try and find the cause......this house has been one wet patch after another, five and a half years we have lived here, and this is the fifth leak we have dealt with!! Not to mention the ancient heating system, substandard boiler, and double glazed windows with the seal gone....but its home and its not all bad.....

My husband has a love affair with this house...to me its basically bricks and a roof, I like that its detatched, and when it snows we are cut off from the rest of the town, but other than that its just somewhere to live. I don't really 'get' loving a house and not wanting to leave - and thinking about it this morning, I never really wanted home ownership - I thought I would always rent - the hippy in me rather likes the free spirit thing, not being tied to one place, or one job - but somewhere along the line I fell into conformity, home ownership, marriage, children and a job in admin. Not sure how it all happened really, but here I am conforming.

I am getting the floating urge again, I've been looking at houses further afield, jobs far away, and things I can do from anywhere to earn money, but I conform so much now I can't really remember how to be a free spirit and I am not really sure I ever really was one!

My first thought at seeing sunshine this morning, was not of a fun walk with a picnic lunch, not of a drive to somewhere pretty...oh no, my first thought on seeing the sunshine, was to get the washing machine loaded up....there really is no hope!

Annoying

Why is it, that we KNOW that something will annoy us, but we still seem to seek it out almost revelling in the amount it is annoying us? I wonder if it didn't annoy us, would we bother seeking it out in the first place - do we derive pleasure from being annoyed?

I guess in the same way that people read sad things and make themselves cry, or watch frightening movies before bed, or go on rides at theme parks that turn stomachs upside-down. Although I wouldn't really class being annoyed in the same catagory as any of these things.

Maybe its just the provoking of emotion, if we hid from everything we wouldn't feel anything, and what is the point of being alive if we don't feel?

Having children for me, was something I though about for a long time before we had them. I was frightened of bringing them into this world, I was scared of the responsibility and what if something happened? What if something went wrong? Would I be able to cope with the emotions that go with this?

Emotions are a funny thing, but without them life would be very dull.