I have to say that some people are so rude - if you don't want to hear someone elses opinion, then don't fucking offer yours!!
Watching VH1 Classic - and bravo for being the first music channel that we haven't had to dive for the remote control!!
How sad is that?
There is nothing wrong with liking music from your youth....nothing wrong at all.....
I have now drunk a WHOLE bottle of red and I am feeling really rather good about it - its Friday night, and we have a bank holiday weekend ahead of us!!
I am peeved because I can't remember how to log into Myspace - and I am a bit sad if the truth be known....
I found my page on myspace and just read my old blogs, and I feel sad for the person I was and the person I now am :o(
I seemed very content and happy, and now, things have settled into place nicely, but I don't feel how I seemed to then......
How moany am I?!?!?!
I think it had a lot to do with only having one child, he was my absolute life, and now I have 2, and the first child has been through some, shall we say trying times lately......BUT, I shall whisper the next bit *he has been much better lately* so I should probably be feeling much better soon.......
Only a couple of weeks till I am holidaying.........can't wait :o)
ahhh.....going to go now...so fuck off.......see ya!
Friday 22 May 2009
Monday 11 May 2009
Monday Mornings and Moaning!!
I dislike Monday mornings for a whole variety of reasons, but I dislike them even more when my husband is on early shift!
This morning I was up with my daughter at 5.45am, my son followed soon after, then ensued the madness that is getting everyone dressed without the house being totally trashed!
Breakfast - cups of tea for the children, and a coffee for me - son insisted on breakfast, but has yet to eat it, as he decided he wants to eat breakfast at Nannies house.
So now we are sitting in the limbo that is morning between getting up and dressed and dropping off and going to work.
This is a relatively short time, approx an hour, maybe a bit more, but the children all want to get going, you want to get going, but the time isn't quite there yet!
Don't get me wrong, the luxury of limbo is often replaced with the hell that is rushing around, and the inevitable forgetting of things.
I am lucky that this week I have a three day week, so although the name of the week is Monday, its almost like starting the week on a Wednesday - I will be updating my co-workers all week on this fact until they are half crazy!!
I have considered over some time, that you can be sat right next to someone everyday, and not really know what that person is like.
Some are like open books, little clues to the real them, the fashionable party girl, who really just wants to get married and have a family. The family lady, who really just wants the children to grow up and leave home so she can get on with her life.
The quiet humble man, who has spurned most luxuries, lives on hand outs and freebies, but is secretly saving a small fortune for his retirement, when he plans to kick back and relax in the way he should have twenty years ago.
In reality, it doesn't matter how much time is spent with a person, its the quality of time spent.
I bang on about working full time - probably because I feel guilty about leaving the children, but I know that the time I do spend with the children is top quality time. We make the most of every second with each other, we don't alway spend a lot of money, for example, on Saturday we went for a walk to the park and along the seafront, the children had some sweets and a drink, and then we walked home again. The afternoon was spent pottering about at home, doing little jobs. On Sunday, we popped to the shop for some bits for dinner, and then spent the rest of the day doing little jobs round the garden and playing with the children in the sunshine.
We don't have lots and lots to offer our children, we are creating a home for them, they have their own bedrooms, and some space. They have most things they want, and everything they need. We are trying really hard to help them to grow up well and have the abilities to create their own homes and families in the future.
I remember clearly waiting for life to begin, wondering what sort of home I would live in, what sort of work I would do, what my children would be like.....then one day I realised my life had already started - I am living it now - its the only one I have got, so I had better make it count.
This morning I was up with my daughter at 5.45am, my son followed soon after, then ensued the madness that is getting everyone dressed without the house being totally trashed!
Breakfast - cups of tea for the children, and a coffee for me - son insisted on breakfast, but has yet to eat it, as he decided he wants to eat breakfast at Nannies house.
So now we are sitting in the limbo that is morning between getting up and dressed and dropping off and going to work.
This is a relatively short time, approx an hour, maybe a bit more, but the children all want to get going, you want to get going, but the time isn't quite there yet!
Don't get me wrong, the luxury of limbo is often replaced with the hell that is rushing around, and the inevitable forgetting of things.
I am lucky that this week I have a three day week, so although the name of the week is Monday, its almost like starting the week on a Wednesday - I will be updating my co-workers all week on this fact until they are half crazy!!
I have considered over some time, that you can be sat right next to someone everyday, and not really know what that person is like.
Some are like open books, little clues to the real them, the fashionable party girl, who really just wants to get married and have a family. The family lady, who really just wants the children to grow up and leave home so she can get on with her life.
The quiet humble man, who has spurned most luxuries, lives on hand outs and freebies, but is secretly saving a small fortune for his retirement, when he plans to kick back and relax in the way he should have twenty years ago.
In reality, it doesn't matter how much time is spent with a person, its the quality of time spent.
I bang on about working full time - probably because I feel guilty about leaving the children, but I know that the time I do spend with the children is top quality time. We make the most of every second with each other, we don't alway spend a lot of money, for example, on Saturday we went for a walk to the park and along the seafront, the children had some sweets and a drink, and then we walked home again. The afternoon was spent pottering about at home, doing little jobs. On Sunday, we popped to the shop for some bits for dinner, and then spent the rest of the day doing little jobs round the garden and playing with the children in the sunshine.
We don't have lots and lots to offer our children, we are creating a home for them, they have their own bedrooms, and some space. They have most things they want, and everything they need. We are trying really hard to help them to grow up well and have the abilities to create their own homes and families in the future.
I remember clearly waiting for life to begin, wondering what sort of home I would live in, what sort of work I would do, what my children would be like.....then one day I realised my life had already started - I am living it now - its the only one I have got, so I had better make it count.
Saturday 9 May 2009
Tennyson In Memoriam
I have always held dear to my heart the poetry of Tennyson - he was introduced to me when I was a small child my Grandmother, and he stuck with me as a passionate and dark poet throughout my school years.
I have not thought of Tennyson's poetry for many years, maybe not since I finished my A-levels - a long time anyway.
Today I thought of some of his words of wisdom and have questioned them.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
In truth, I have never really thought about this, and have often said the words - but have never really thought of the meaning behind them.
Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
If one has never loved, surely they know not of what they are missing?
Life does not stop or pause, just because someone has never felt love.
There is far too much of life put into trying to fall in love, to find a mate for life, monogomy - something that in our history is not really part of our instincts it has to be said.
Having said this - I feel we are better than this - well most of us anyway, and it really isn't that hard to commit to one person for life, especially if you really love them - and here we are back at better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Personally I am in love with my husband, I feel alive when I am with him and as if something is partially missing when he is not there - I did not feel this before we were together - I assume I was a complete person back in the days before I had commited myself to another human being??
If, for some reason he was to be gone from my life, would Iforever feel that something was missing - something I hadn't missed before I was with him, but ultimately has become so integral to my life as I know it - if he was gone I would feel only partial to what I feel now?
So is it really better to have loved and lost than never loved at all???
Had I never met my husband, had I never bothered to go out there and find that special someone to spend the rest of my life with..I would surely have never loved, so would never miss that special feeling when you are with the person you are destined to spend the rest of your life with.
There is the key - I hunted him down, for want of a better phrase - I actively wanted to find a person to fall in love with and settle down with. Although I was a complete person before I met my husband, and I was happy most of the time, there was obviously something that I was missing, something I wanted (no don't be rude!!) that special someone to come home to at night, and who would help me to shut the doors and close the curtains and make a special safe place away from the world at large.
So yet again Tennyson, you have spoken wise words indeed.
It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
To that I raise a glass and be thankful to the love of my life.
I have not thought of Tennyson's poetry for many years, maybe not since I finished my A-levels - a long time anyway.
Today I thought of some of his words of wisdom and have questioned them.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
In truth, I have never really thought about this, and have often said the words - but have never really thought of the meaning behind them.
Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
If one has never loved, surely they know not of what they are missing?
Life does not stop or pause, just because someone has never felt love.
There is far too much of life put into trying to fall in love, to find a mate for life, monogomy - something that in our history is not really part of our instincts it has to be said.
Having said this - I feel we are better than this - well most of us anyway, and it really isn't that hard to commit to one person for life, especially if you really love them - and here we are back at better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Personally I am in love with my husband, I feel alive when I am with him and as if something is partially missing when he is not there - I did not feel this before we were together - I assume I was a complete person back in the days before I had commited myself to another human being??
If, for some reason he was to be gone from my life, would Iforever feel that something was missing - something I hadn't missed before I was with him, but ultimately has become so integral to my life as I know it - if he was gone I would feel only partial to what I feel now?
So is it really better to have loved and lost than never loved at all???
Had I never met my husband, had I never bothered to go out there and find that special someone to spend the rest of my life with..I would surely have never loved, so would never miss that special feeling when you are with the person you are destined to spend the rest of your life with.
There is the key - I hunted him down, for want of a better phrase - I actively wanted to find a person to fall in love with and settle down with. Although I was a complete person before I met my husband, and I was happy most of the time, there was obviously something that I was missing, something I wanted (no don't be rude!!) that special someone to come home to at night, and who would help me to shut the doors and close the curtains and make a special safe place away from the world at large.
So yet again Tennyson, you have spoken wise words indeed.
It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
To that I raise a glass and be thankful to the love of my life.
Wednesday 6 May 2009
Well we are currently situated on a Wednesday evening - yes I shall call it evening even though experts among you would probably insinuate I was a little forward thinking and really its late afternoon....but I don't care.
Well after writing this flipping thing about 5 times, it is now officially the evening.
Kids are in bed, I am all set for the ironing - what a life I lead!
Well how funny - its now Friday, I have had a few glasses of wine and my dinner (2 eat for £9 from your friend and mine Tesco!!) Life is gooooooooood!
Looking at rightmove - house prices seem a bit out there at the moment - don't get me wrong, I am not about to quote any fancy stats from the latest BBC news report - but from my own browsings of the net, they don't seem to be coming down in the cascade that was reported a few months ago - no, we are not living in a house that was once worth a packet, and now worth peanuts, and no, we are not going to pay for our retirement by scooping up a few houses for pence as the prices drop through the floor - they have kind of - now this is REALLY out there, levelled - much like I said would happen eventually about five years ago - but don't forget I am a girl and not worth listening to!
My other half is sat on his mobile, not swinging from the ceiling, he is not a pretty trinket, but his mobile phone - he is on call - eighth night in a row, and to be honest its getting a bit tiring now.
Last night there was a call - I don't know what time it was, I don't really care, all I know was it was fucking late, and I was asleep and then I was awake listening to him talking on the phone about trailers and other such exciting things.
It is not good - and yes the pay rise was fantastic, and we can afford some pretty nice things these days, (not least 2 eat for £9 - yes £9!!) but jeez, I could do without hearing that ring tone for a few nights!!!!!!
Work for me, starts at 8am and finishes on the dot at 3.30pm - and I am glad of this. I don't think I would want to sit on the phone in the middle of the night explaining to some driver that yes, once you have had a poo, you should really wipe your arse till its clean and then wash your hands....ok so its not that bad, but my goodness, I think I could work out some of the things they phone up about, and I am not a trained lorry driver!!!!
But enough about lorry drivers toilet habits....I am now bored of writing this blog and am going to watch some stand up comedy on DAVE - I should really write to Tesco and Sky and advise them that my much read blog should be sponsered by them!!! Laughs MY Arse off....!!!
Well after writing this flipping thing about 5 times, it is now officially the evening.
Kids are in bed, I am all set for the ironing - what a life I lead!
Well how funny - its now Friday, I have had a few glasses of wine and my dinner (2 eat for £9 from your friend and mine Tesco!!) Life is gooooooooood!
Looking at rightmove - house prices seem a bit out there at the moment - don't get me wrong, I am not about to quote any fancy stats from the latest BBC news report - but from my own browsings of the net, they don't seem to be coming down in the cascade that was reported a few months ago - no, we are not living in a house that was once worth a packet, and now worth peanuts, and no, we are not going to pay for our retirement by scooping up a few houses for pence as the prices drop through the floor - they have kind of - now this is REALLY out there, levelled - much like I said would happen eventually about five years ago - but don't forget I am a girl and not worth listening to!
My other half is sat on his mobile, not swinging from the ceiling, he is not a pretty trinket, but his mobile phone - he is on call - eighth night in a row, and to be honest its getting a bit tiring now.
Last night there was a call - I don't know what time it was, I don't really care, all I know was it was fucking late, and I was asleep and then I was awake listening to him talking on the phone about trailers and other such exciting things.
It is not good - and yes the pay rise was fantastic, and we can afford some pretty nice things these days, (not least 2 eat for £9 - yes £9!!) but jeez, I could do without hearing that ring tone for a few nights!!!!!!
Work for me, starts at 8am and finishes on the dot at 3.30pm - and I am glad of this. I don't think I would want to sit on the phone in the middle of the night explaining to some driver that yes, once you have had a poo, you should really wipe your arse till its clean and then wash your hands....ok so its not that bad, but my goodness, I think I could work out some of the things they phone up about, and I am not a trained lorry driver!!!!
But enough about lorry drivers toilet habits....I am now bored of writing this blog and am going to watch some stand up comedy on DAVE - I should really write to Tesco and Sky and advise them that my much read blog should be sponsered by them!!! Laughs MY Arse off....!!!
Monday 4 May 2009
Things that Change!!
I have been making a few observations over the last few years, mainly to do with my own life - obviously - despite what is said about me, I am not really an on-line stalker!!
Before our children came along, we would eat dinner at approx 8pm every night, sometimes 9pm - we never had a lot in, but would have cupboards full of weird and wonderfull things, but nothing that really went together!
We ate mainly spicy food, lots of curries, chillis, lots and lots of mexican food....we shopped for what we wanted rather than what was necessarily good for us!
We often brought fruit and didn't really eat it, cereals went hard in their packets as they were opened for one bowl full and then not looked at again for months...
Packed lunches were made when we had time, we rolled out of bed into the shower, dressed and dashed out of the door for work....
On arrival home from work, housework would be done, a veg in front of the tv, maybe a nice long walk with the dog along the seafront...
Weekends were leisurely affairs, sleeping till we were ready to wake up, getting up to a nice breakfast, deciding what to do as we felt like doing it...living at the last minute....
Since their arrival there has been many many changes, 3 minute showers, blander foods, getting up at 5.30am whatever the day of the week, eating on the hop, so much more washing, taking more care, and much heathier foods in the cupboards...no more weird and wonderful meal ideas.
When my son arrived, for the first 3 weeks I worried constantly about fitting all the housework in, making meals for us while trying to juggle our new small baby, showering daily was such hard work, but I managed - with 2 in 1 shampoos and very quick scrubbing!! Just nipping for a wee was a challenge!
Everyone tells you to relax, let the housework slide, it doesn't last - but for me the fear that it would never get picked back up again was too much, so nap times mainly consisted of me racing round our home doing what I could in the short time I had.
When our second child arrived, I had to keep things going for the sake of the older one, meal times had to be consistant, cleaning had to be done - but by then we had established a routine, and our second child did sleep much better than our first!!
Money was always spent on whatever we wanted or needed, new clothes, new shoes, computer games, cds, dvds - now we are working on making a wonderful home for our children. Obviously there is the mortgage - the bills - we always had those, but now we are trying to make a place our children feel safe and comfortable in, somewhere they want to be. Their wardrobes are bursting with wonderful clothes, their bedrooms full of the best and latest toys, our wardrobes are ok, we have what we need, our latest toys are usually what everyone else had a couple of years ago, but then the games consoles sit unused for much of the time these days, more exciting things to do, stories to read to eager ears, toys to fix, meals to make, fruit to chop, gardens to tidy, house to keep clean and cuddles to have. Console games are all very good - but you cannot build a life around them!
As I sit here on a bank holiday Monday - its not even 7.30am and I have confiscated toys, broken up two fights, and am already on my 2nd cup of coffee - I can really feel the change from 5 years ago..
A bank holiday was just an extra lay-in during a normal mundane week - now its extra time with my two beautiful children, yes I have had to shout more in the last 20 minutes than I did in my whole adult life before they came along - yes I would absolutely love a lay-in with a cuppa and watch something on tv from the comfort of my nice cozy bed, but I wouldn't give this up for my old life ever.
Before our children came along, we would eat dinner at approx 8pm every night, sometimes 9pm - we never had a lot in, but would have cupboards full of weird and wonderfull things, but nothing that really went together!
We ate mainly spicy food, lots of curries, chillis, lots and lots of mexican food....we shopped for what we wanted rather than what was necessarily good for us!
We often brought fruit and didn't really eat it, cereals went hard in their packets as they were opened for one bowl full and then not looked at again for months...
Packed lunches were made when we had time, we rolled out of bed into the shower, dressed and dashed out of the door for work....
On arrival home from work, housework would be done, a veg in front of the tv, maybe a nice long walk with the dog along the seafront...
Weekends were leisurely affairs, sleeping till we were ready to wake up, getting up to a nice breakfast, deciding what to do as we felt like doing it...living at the last minute....
Since their arrival there has been many many changes, 3 minute showers, blander foods, getting up at 5.30am whatever the day of the week, eating on the hop, so much more washing, taking more care, and much heathier foods in the cupboards...no more weird and wonderful meal ideas.
When my son arrived, for the first 3 weeks I worried constantly about fitting all the housework in, making meals for us while trying to juggle our new small baby, showering daily was such hard work, but I managed - with 2 in 1 shampoos and very quick scrubbing!! Just nipping for a wee was a challenge!
Everyone tells you to relax, let the housework slide, it doesn't last - but for me the fear that it would never get picked back up again was too much, so nap times mainly consisted of me racing round our home doing what I could in the short time I had.
When our second child arrived, I had to keep things going for the sake of the older one, meal times had to be consistant, cleaning had to be done - but by then we had established a routine, and our second child did sleep much better than our first!!
Money was always spent on whatever we wanted or needed, new clothes, new shoes, computer games, cds, dvds - now we are working on making a wonderful home for our children. Obviously there is the mortgage - the bills - we always had those, but now we are trying to make a place our children feel safe and comfortable in, somewhere they want to be. Their wardrobes are bursting with wonderful clothes, their bedrooms full of the best and latest toys, our wardrobes are ok, we have what we need, our latest toys are usually what everyone else had a couple of years ago, but then the games consoles sit unused for much of the time these days, more exciting things to do, stories to read to eager ears, toys to fix, meals to make, fruit to chop, gardens to tidy, house to keep clean and cuddles to have. Console games are all very good - but you cannot build a life around them!
As I sit here on a bank holiday Monday - its not even 7.30am and I have confiscated toys, broken up two fights, and am already on my 2nd cup of coffee - I can really feel the change from 5 years ago..
A bank holiday was just an extra lay-in during a normal mundane week - now its extra time with my two beautiful children, yes I have had to shout more in the last 20 minutes than I did in my whole adult life before they came along - yes I would absolutely love a lay-in with a cuppa and watch something on tv from the comfort of my nice cozy bed, but I wouldn't give this up for my old life ever.
Sunday 3 May 2009
Child Behaviour Expert I Ain't!!
Or so it would appear - its been a while since I have been on, so be gentle!
My son is going through a rather, shall we say difficult stage - its lasted approx...2 years now, and it doesn't look to be getting any better at the moment!!
I am at the end of my tether by about 6pm on most days - this, if you read my last post, will seem odd as I am away from him for so long - but I fear this is half the problem....!
Bless him, we try our best, but our personalities clash at the best of times - I predict interesting teen years!!
Things have changed a little, my other half is working shifts these days, so the children are getting less time away from the 'normal' family thang - in that they only go to our parents for childcare about 4 hours a day, instead of 8 - which can only be a good thing really :o) So bravo on that one!!
We have just ordered my youngest a toddler bed, as, although she isn't showing signs of escape from her cot yet (result she is almost 2!!) I do think she would benefit from learning to sleep in a little bed now......a sad day though when you say good bye to the baby things. I said goodbye to the pram, and the high chair, auf weidersen to the baby clothes and baby toys, adieu to the baby bouncer...and now the cot will be on its way...sob.
Can't believe that its over already, the baby years.
But, can't say I will be sad to say goodbye when the time comes for not spending a fortune on nappies, and I wasn't at all upset when the children began to regularly sleep through the night ;o)
There are positives to all!!
Another thing to note, is today I have been with my rather lovely bloke for 12 years.
We met when I was 14, got together a few months before I was 19, moved in together when I was 20, brought our first home when I was 21, and our 2nd home when I was 26, (when I say 2nd home - I do of course mean sold the first one to buy the second...we are not that well off lol!!!) Now I am approaching 31, we have 2 beautiful children, and it would appear life is pretty good and completely on track!!
Should be mortgage free at 50 - so game on!! lol
Everyone should timeline themselves - its a great way of looking over what you have achieved - in quite frankly a short space of time, lets be honest, 12 years is not a life time - we still have plenty to achieve out there ahead of us - I can't wait!!
My son is going through a rather, shall we say difficult stage - its lasted approx...2 years now, and it doesn't look to be getting any better at the moment!!
I am at the end of my tether by about 6pm on most days - this, if you read my last post, will seem odd as I am away from him for so long - but I fear this is half the problem....!
Bless him, we try our best, but our personalities clash at the best of times - I predict interesting teen years!!
Things have changed a little, my other half is working shifts these days, so the children are getting less time away from the 'normal' family thang - in that they only go to our parents for childcare about 4 hours a day, instead of 8 - which can only be a good thing really :o) So bravo on that one!!
We have just ordered my youngest a toddler bed, as, although she isn't showing signs of escape from her cot yet (result she is almost 2!!) I do think she would benefit from learning to sleep in a little bed now......a sad day though when you say good bye to the baby things. I said goodbye to the pram, and the high chair, auf weidersen to the baby clothes and baby toys, adieu to the baby bouncer...and now the cot will be on its way...sob.
Can't believe that its over already, the baby years.
But, can't say I will be sad to say goodbye when the time comes for not spending a fortune on nappies, and I wasn't at all upset when the children began to regularly sleep through the night ;o)
There are positives to all!!
Another thing to note, is today I have been with my rather lovely bloke for 12 years.
We met when I was 14, got together a few months before I was 19, moved in together when I was 20, brought our first home when I was 21, and our 2nd home when I was 26, (when I say 2nd home - I do of course mean sold the first one to buy the second...we are not that well off lol!!!) Now I am approaching 31, we have 2 beautiful children, and it would appear life is pretty good and completely on track!!
Should be mortgage free at 50 - so game on!! lol
Everyone should timeline themselves - its a great way of looking over what you have achieved - in quite frankly a short space of time, lets be honest, 12 years is not a life time - we still have plenty to achieve out there ahead of us - I can't wait!!
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