Always waiting for the rain, to nuture the thirsty garden, to clean the dirty paths, to refresh the dusty world.
I love rain, I love the smell of rain, the feel of rain - I like cold rain and warm rain, heavy rain and light rain.
Rain is a wonderful thing.
There are so many things whirring round my head right now, so many things that should be happening and aren't and shouldn't be happening but are.
There are things that are torn that can possibly never be fixed, there are things that are so strong you don't think they will ever change. There are things that are sad, things that make me smile, things I don't understand - things I don't want to understand.
People who do too much, people who don't do enough.
Is this really a balance?
Is it fair?
There are babies being born to people who want them so much, babies being born to people who don't and babies not being born to people who need them.
There are rights and wrongs, but who knows what they are?
Enough pondering, enough wondering, enough.
I just wait for the rain to help everything start again and refresh those that need it.
Monday 10 August 2009
Monday 3 August 2009
Sloppy Chocolate Brownies
I feel absolutely sick - I have been eating the chocolate brownie I made at the weekend - something went wrong with it, and its got a sludgy centre.....but its bloody delicious! Can't fault it except its not a brownie!!
It was even nicer getting it out of the oven and dolloping creamy ice cream on it!!
Anyway, I am not here to write about chocolate brownies, I am here to write of the many decisions/choices/changes in my life at the moment.
After the dreadfull ups and downs of redundancy gate for poor old other half, he was not made redundant in the end, and has come out the other end with a pay rise and proper shift pattern - something he had been asking for, for 8 months!
This leaves me with lots of free time in the evenings, which although is great, I have started the decorating, I do the ironing etc. Tonight, Monday, I am sat here far too tired to do anything, but bored out of my skull. He is too busy to chat on the phone, the children are all in bed...although the little male one is still awake and disturbing my boredom with silliness! Like I say I feel sick from too much chocolate cake, and the room is full of brightly coloured toys because I promised I would leave them as they are so they can play with them in the morning.
I will shortly be going to bed, probably watch a dvd, its the stuff I have dreamed of - but be careful what you wish for - it may come true. So at the same time as being able to tuck myself up in bed watching trashy tv, I miss my dear darling husband like I never thought I would.
I miss seeing him sitting on the sofa on his computer, I miss arguing over the repeats I keep putting on the tv, while he wants to watch something informative and clever.
I miss making each other a drink, or just cuddling up on the sofa.
I miss him so much, and yet in only 2 1/2 hours he will be home and snuggling up to me in bed.
Thanks goodness.
The decisions I need to make are work related - I have a job interview this week - nobody outside my family knows about it, and I am desperately excited about it. I know deep down the hours probably wont fit in with my children, or my life as it is, but its still exciting to think that someone wants me. Well, not wants me, but someone has looked at my CV and not chucked it in the 'no-way' pile.
Its a boost.
Work has been absolutely dreadful of late, family wars (2 people from the same family working in the same department - don't speak!), silly arguements, boring work, it was not how I pictured my working life - and today my heart was not only not in it, it was not in the building - I think I may have left it in my other handbag!!
Study - I started studying with OU about 6 years ago, I completed a year, then I started a 2nd year - then I got pregnant with my son, and OU went out the window!
I have been looking into it all again - as I am bored and missing my lovely husband, I thought it might be an option - but I don't want to fail, so that is what is stopping me.
Its an expensive way of failing as well.
I never thought life would be so complicated - but then I do tend to make everything complicated - like putting the children to bed.
My son has been in bed for approx 2 hours and 15 minutes - and yet he is still messing about up there. I have taken a bundle of clothes out of his bed, a whole series of books, a pile of hard toys, and a pile of soft toys - he has a single bed and should be asleep by now. Its depressing.
Gah - I don't think this post has got any point, and I don't think it will be making one anytime soon, so probably the best thing to do would be press publish post, and hope that next time I come on here I have something more sensible to say.
It was even nicer getting it out of the oven and dolloping creamy ice cream on it!!
Anyway, I am not here to write about chocolate brownies, I am here to write of the many decisions/choices/changes in my life at the moment.
After the dreadfull ups and downs of redundancy gate for poor old other half, he was not made redundant in the end, and has come out the other end with a pay rise and proper shift pattern - something he had been asking for, for 8 months!
This leaves me with lots of free time in the evenings, which although is great, I have started the decorating, I do the ironing etc. Tonight, Monday, I am sat here far too tired to do anything, but bored out of my skull. He is too busy to chat on the phone, the children are all in bed...although the little male one is still awake and disturbing my boredom with silliness! Like I say I feel sick from too much chocolate cake, and the room is full of brightly coloured toys because I promised I would leave them as they are so they can play with them in the morning.
I will shortly be going to bed, probably watch a dvd, its the stuff I have dreamed of - but be careful what you wish for - it may come true. So at the same time as being able to tuck myself up in bed watching trashy tv, I miss my dear darling husband like I never thought I would.
I miss seeing him sitting on the sofa on his computer, I miss arguing over the repeats I keep putting on the tv, while he wants to watch something informative and clever.
I miss making each other a drink, or just cuddling up on the sofa.
I miss him so much, and yet in only 2 1/2 hours he will be home and snuggling up to me in bed.
Thanks goodness.
The decisions I need to make are work related - I have a job interview this week - nobody outside my family knows about it, and I am desperately excited about it. I know deep down the hours probably wont fit in with my children, or my life as it is, but its still exciting to think that someone wants me. Well, not wants me, but someone has looked at my CV and not chucked it in the 'no-way' pile.
Its a boost.
Work has been absolutely dreadful of late, family wars (2 people from the same family working in the same department - don't speak!), silly arguements, boring work, it was not how I pictured my working life - and today my heart was not only not in it, it was not in the building - I think I may have left it in my other handbag!!
Study - I started studying with OU about 6 years ago, I completed a year, then I started a 2nd year - then I got pregnant with my son, and OU went out the window!
I have been looking into it all again - as I am bored and missing my lovely husband, I thought it might be an option - but I don't want to fail, so that is what is stopping me.
Its an expensive way of failing as well.
I never thought life would be so complicated - but then I do tend to make everything complicated - like putting the children to bed.
My son has been in bed for approx 2 hours and 15 minutes - and yet he is still messing about up there. I have taken a bundle of clothes out of his bed, a whole series of books, a pile of hard toys, and a pile of soft toys - he has a single bed and should be asleep by now. Its depressing.
Gah - I don't think this post has got any point, and I don't think it will be making one anytime soon, so probably the best thing to do would be press publish post, and hope that next time I come on here I have something more sensible to say.
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