We are back from our little jaunt to the North of the country. The children were both convinced we were going to Scotland because they had been reliably informed that the top end of the country is Scotland. So after some explanations....they still thought we were leaving England and I decided it didn't really matter where they thought they were as long as they had a nice time.
It was our first trip with a hotel instead of a holiday home for a few years, and our baby settled into things without a hitch. Except for the fact that he and his older brother and sister decided that as they were on holiday they would stay awake for half the night....leaving no evening to enjoy, so when we got home I was desperate to sit with a glass of wine and enjoy some semi-silence while the children were all in their own beds.
I took a few cds with me when I went to get the other half from work last Wednesday because I have no idea how to connect his ipod up to the car radio, and to stick a cd in is much easier. I popped a little Erasure onto bop to, and my daughter decided that she liked the music very much, my older son liked the music and his voice but not the words (we were listening to Love to Hate you at the time) We then switched to some Billy Joel and I had forgotten how very much I like listening to his voice and his music, and the lyrics to his songs. It can make me thoughtful, and also stop me from thinking about all that is making me miserable at the moment.
I applied for another new job today, working for a solicitor in Ipswich. I had an email saying thanks but no thanks within an hour of sending my cv. How depressing is that?
I have a managers meeting at work tonight....ON MY DAY OFF!!! It makes me mad because I have been thinking about it all day, which makes it hard to enjoy not being there.
I made an apple pie today. Its my first one, and I kind of made the recipe up by myself, so I am a little worried it wont pass the vigor of testing it will be put through once everyone is home. It was made to try and cheer my darling husband up as he is feeling a little sad too.
The wind of change is still blowing strong, but its kind of blowing in on itself at the moment and so we are standing still......lets hope it makes up its mind soon and blows us all in the same direction and out of this storm.....
Tuesday 17 April 2012
Wednesday 11 April 2012
Sometimes....
We booked a little trip away the day before yesterday - we decided we wanted to have a few days away from it all and that was that, three days booked in York and we are leaving in approx 4 hours!
The other half is at work and me and the three skids are picking him up on our way! So I have sole responsibility for making sure everything we need or want is packed up in the car!
I packed by butt off yesterday - in my head the romantic side of me with my lovely rose tinted specs had visions of me throwing a few bits in a suitcase and off we would go. The reality was me sitting and making a list of exactly what we all should need, plus a few extras. Then there was me washing and drying a large amount of clothes because I had a whole week at home ahead of me to catch up with such things.....not so any more! lol
Then there was the sorting of clothes once they were dry. It took most of the day to sort things out and arrange things and then get them in the suitcase which pretty quickly turned into two suitcases.....
Then I had arranged a night out with some friends I used to work with, so I quickly got ready and waited for my other half to come home and he then took over the packing duties.
I had three pints of beer while I was out and we got to bed at around about midnight. Poor old other half was up at silly o'clock to go to work again, and now here I am taking 10 minutes to try and work out what the hell I am doing next!
The only problem with two people packing and not at the same time is that neither of us are sure what the other has done. Several texts later and I think we are getting somewhere.....now I just want to pack up the car and goooooooooo!
The other half is at work and me and the three skids are picking him up on our way! So I have sole responsibility for making sure everything we need or want is packed up in the car!
I packed by butt off yesterday - in my head the romantic side of me with my lovely rose tinted specs had visions of me throwing a few bits in a suitcase and off we would go. The reality was me sitting and making a list of exactly what we all should need, plus a few extras. Then there was me washing and drying a large amount of clothes because I had a whole week at home ahead of me to catch up with such things.....not so any more! lol
Then there was the sorting of clothes once they were dry. It took most of the day to sort things out and arrange things and then get them in the suitcase which pretty quickly turned into two suitcases.....
Then I had arranged a night out with some friends I used to work with, so I quickly got ready and waited for my other half to come home and he then took over the packing duties.
I had three pints of beer while I was out and we got to bed at around about midnight. Poor old other half was up at silly o'clock to go to work again, and now here I am taking 10 minutes to try and work out what the hell I am doing next!
The only problem with two people packing and not at the same time is that neither of us are sure what the other has done. Several texts later and I think we are getting somewhere.....now I just want to pack up the car and goooooooooo!
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Red wine, a second blog in two days and a moment to think....
I sometimes wonder if thinking is really good for us? We should probably all just plod along like our ancestors before us just being glad that we are still alive and able to go and work to earn money to pay for our food!
Just sitting here with a glass of wine, the other half is strumming on his electric guitar....starting to wonder if that was a well thought out gift...joke! The two older kiddies are upstairs playing, and our wee baby is crawling around with the dogs, we haven't sent him out there with the dogs, he just came bundling through crawling for the first time in weeks flanked by the dogs. Maybe he thinks he is a dog? Maybe he just thought it looked like fun to be on all fours? Maybe they knocked him over when he was toddling about and he can't be bothered to get back up again? Who knows what goes through your head when you are 15 months old and surrounded by people and animals much larger than you.
I am having a glass of wine because I do not have an early start tomorrow, a good excuse I felt, not that I need an excuse. The other excuse being there was an annoying half drunk bottle of wine on the side in the kitchen that needed using up and the kids don't appreciate wine in their food. Well my oldest does, he likes a little wine flavour in his bolognaise, but his sister - she is very clean living and doesn't like the cursed alcohol in her food. She also shies away from anything carbonated and anything spicier than a carrot can do one as well. She also has intolerance to dairy products, she is what could be described as a right little fancy fairy and has perfected her urgh face to go with any occasion!
Not that I need an excuse to have a glass of wine, I am 33 years old and am allowed to drink a glass of wine if I want. My daughter did tell me that I am not supposed to have a glass of wine today - tomorrow being Wednesday would be the day I could have a glass of wine. I'm not sure what her logic is or where it comes from, but if I had a glass of wine tomorrow at this time I would get the sack from work as I am there for a long shift and I don't think wine drinking is allowed. If I have a glass of wine before my shift it would be too early in the day and might be considered a problem, and if I wait till I get home from work it would be getting onto midnight and the other half has an early start the next morning for work himself.
My oldest son is talking to me about a computer game and the characters in it, I nod and smile and say 'ooooh' or 'yes' now and then but I really have no idea what he is talking about. This is still with the other half plucking out notes on the guitar...the original sounds were him tuning it, I'm not sure what he is doing now, but mixed with computer drone and the dogs tapping about on the laminate floor, and of course the baby scooting his fire engine up and down in stereo because the baby monitor is picking up the sound I have found my moment to think is not happening again.
Just sitting here with a glass of wine, the other half is strumming on his electric guitar....starting to wonder if that was a well thought out gift...joke! The two older kiddies are upstairs playing, and our wee baby is crawling around with the dogs, we haven't sent him out there with the dogs, he just came bundling through crawling for the first time in weeks flanked by the dogs. Maybe he thinks he is a dog? Maybe he just thought it looked like fun to be on all fours? Maybe they knocked him over when he was toddling about and he can't be bothered to get back up again? Who knows what goes through your head when you are 15 months old and surrounded by people and animals much larger than you.
I am having a glass of wine because I do not have an early start tomorrow, a good excuse I felt, not that I need an excuse. The other excuse being there was an annoying half drunk bottle of wine on the side in the kitchen that needed using up and the kids don't appreciate wine in their food. Well my oldest does, he likes a little wine flavour in his bolognaise, but his sister - she is very clean living and doesn't like the cursed alcohol in her food. She also shies away from anything carbonated and anything spicier than a carrot can do one as well. She also has intolerance to dairy products, she is what could be described as a right little fancy fairy and has perfected her urgh face to go with any occasion!
Not that I need an excuse to have a glass of wine, I am 33 years old and am allowed to drink a glass of wine if I want. My daughter did tell me that I am not supposed to have a glass of wine today - tomorrow being Wednesday would be the day I could have a glass of wine. I'm not sure what her logic is or where it comes from, but if I had a glass of wine tomorrow at this time I would get the sack from work as I am there for a long shift and I don't think wine drinking is allowed. If I have a glass of wine before my shift it would be too early in the day and might be considered a problem, and if I wait till I get home from work it would be getting onto midnight and the other half has an early start the next morning for work himself.
My oldest son is talking to me about a computer game and the characters in it, I nod and smile and say 'ooooh' or 'yes' now and then but I really have no idea what he is talking about. This is still with the other half plucking out notes on the guitar...the original sounds were him tuning it, I'm not sure what he is doing now, but mixed with computer drone and the dogs tapping about on the laminate floor, and of course the baby scooting his fire engine up and down in stereo because the baby monitor is picking up the sound I have found my moment to think is not happening again.
Monday 2 April 2012
Confusion
I feel very confused at the moment, I have been feeling confused for about the last two years, and the mists of confusion are not getting any clearer with the passing of time.
I have tried to change things that I thought might need changing, and either they didn't need changing or I have changed them for the very wrong thing.....
I am constantly chasing my tail and fed up with working and living to someone elses ideals.
The name of this blog is seeking perfection, because ultimately that is what everyone is after - a way of living life to your own idea of perfection.
Sometimes I feel like perfection is dangled in front of me like a carrot before a donkey, and that someday I might be able to grab hold of it and have a go - but grabbing carrots and being after the perfect life is not something we should be thinking about. We are all expected to be happy with our lot, and perfection is something to be snorted at. But in reality we all want it. We all strive for it. Perfection for everyone is something different.
Perfection for me today would be for my dear other half to get a job he is after, that the money is good enough that I can become a stay at home Mum, pathetic in a feminist world I know, but its what I want. Feminism is supposed to be about choices, but I don't really feel we are quite there yet as there are still too few choices for all but the very very rich, or the extremely selfish - and I mean that for men and women - children and the elderly. Choices are few and often forced. To be given a real choice must be quite wonderful.
The thing with perfection is that it changes everyday, so I guess its part of life that we will always be seeking it and never quite getting it. I'll keep you posted if it ever happens!
I have tried to change things that I thought might need changing, and either they didn't need changing or I have changed them for the very wrong thing.....
I am constantly chasing my tail and fed up with working and living to someone elses ideals.
The name of this blog is seeking perfection, because ultimately that is what everyone is after - a way of living life to your own idea of perfection.
Sometimes I feel like perfection is dangled in front of me like a carrot before a donkey, and that someday I might be able to grab hold of it and have a go - but grabbing carrots and being after the perfect life is not something we should be thinking about. We are all expected to be happy with our lot, and perfection is something to be snorted at. But in reality we all want it. We all strive for it. Perfection for everyone is something different.
Perfection for me today would be for my dear other half to get a job he is after, that the money is good enough that I can become a stay at home Mum, pathetic in a feminist world I know, but its what I want. Feminism is supposed to be about choices, but I don't really feel we are quite there yet as there are still too few choices for all but the very very rich, or the extremely selfish - and I mean that for men and women - children and the elderly. Choices are few and often forced. To be given a real choice must be quite wonderful.
The thing with perfection is that it changes everyday, so I guess its part of life that we will always be seeking it and never quite getting it. I'll keep you posted if it ever happens!
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